Kate Rowe-Ham is a powerhouse when it comes to menopause. The 47-year-old even penned a book on the subject, Owning Your Menopause: Fitter, Calmer, Stronger in 30 Days, sharing her wisdom with the masses.
That said, when she began experiencing perimenopause symptoms herself at 41, Kate was not prepared for what was to come and felt ill-equipped for the way menopause would impact every element of her life, from her marriage and her friendships to her health.
"I had heart palpitations, breathlessness and crippling anxiety," Kate says. "There were times when I thought I was going to die and told my husband to tell the doctors it was my heart, because my palpitations were so bad."
© Sophie Mitchell PhotographyThe impact menopause had on Kate's relationship with her husband was one of the biggest shocks, with the personal trainer sharing many of her friends ended up going through divorces while grappling with menopause.
"You don't know who you are anymore and you can grow apart from your partner," Kate said of the way menopause can impact our closest relationships.
"I was shouting at my husband and my kinds, and looking back, I wouldn't have wanted to live with me then. It's a really difficult time of transition and a lot of marriages don't come back from it."
Navigating marriage during menopause
Kate worried about her husband's reaction to her explaining that she was perimenopausal.
"He might switch me out for a younger, more versatile model," she fretted, before realising it was a relief that her feelings of anger and isolation were explained. "I realised we had a way back and that this was a solvable issue."
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"I told him he was going to have to bear with me for however long it took to come out the other side," Kate said of how she and her husband navigated menopause.
"It's frustrating, because when you have young children your relationship might take a backseat, then as you get back on track, menopause starts," but there is a way to reframe the transition.
© Sophie Mitchell PhotographyA new relationship chapter
Kate explains that if we see raising children together as the second chapter in our relationship, navigating and coming through menopause together is a third chapter to look forward to.
"We agreed to stick around together because it's worth it. We love each other," Kate says. "It's been difficult but we've got so much still to look forward to. It's about feeling positive about the future.
"It might not be great right now, but there are always good times ahead."
Read more inspiring stories of women in their second act and buy Owning Your Menopause: Fitter, Calmer, Stronger in 30 Days here.
