The taboo surrounding menopause has been well and truly broken, with the subject spoken about openly on a daily basis – but now that we've busted the stigma, Ruby Hammer, 62, thinks it's about time we reframed it too.
"It's very good to have that taboo lifted so that we're able to talk about menopause, but with that did come a cloud of negativity and depressing chatter," Ruby laments. "When I was going through menopause, it felt like every aspect of life was being painted as a downward slide, but I found that there are extremely positive aspects.
"Yes, some negatives might come with menopause, but look at the other bits you've gained and you will come through this. Menopause is just another chapter in life."
Here, Ruby shares her refreshing take on midlife, including the amazing plus sides to menopause that nobody speaks about.
1. You get a second wind.
"Everything is clearer and with that clarity, you might get a second wind, whether it's leaving your job, splitting with a partner or taking on new challenges," says Ruby. "You realise that life is too short and you do a life declutter, making space for only good things."
2. Your periods are gone!
We may lament that with the end of fertility we feel we've lost our femininity, but Ruby points out the joy of no more periods – so no more carrying tampons and no more contraception.
"One of the nicest, simplest, stupidest benefits of menopause is the fact that you don't have to go into a blind panic because you've forgotten to take my contraception," Ruby says.
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"Plus, you save a bit of money not having to buy tampons – and there's not the stress of realising you don't have any when your period arrives early, and you don't end up feeling run down every month. I used to get cold sores on the second day of my period – not anymore!"
3. You find new clarity
"All sorts of silly things suddenly don't bother you," Ruby explains. "We've got one life, and we realise little things aren't worth dwelling on. You fine tune yourself a little bit.
© Instagram"There's a clarity that comes in all aspects of life and you are more confident and I think that's so positive because much of the narrative surrounding menopause says you lose your confidence, but it's not always the way."
4. You set yourself new, realistic benchmarks
"Menopause is about creating a new benchmark for yourself. Rather than trying to be who you were at 21, 31, or 41, enjoy where you are now.
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"Don't hold yourself to the same standards. Sure, maybe you can't run like you did in your thirties, but you still can run!" Ruby celebrates.
Midlife also gives us the ability to accept where we are now and not compare ourselves to former versions. "I don't sleep as much as I used to before the menopause," says Ruby. "But I don't beat myself up that I haven't had eight or nine hours.
© Instagram"I'm really grateful for the seven I get. I have to recognise that having only seven hours hasn't affected me in any adverse way."
5. You gain new perspective
In menopause, we come to appreciate ourselves more as we are now, and how we used to be. "Any time spent lamenting my body over the years was a waste of that body," Ruby says.
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6. You find joy where you can
"In menopause, I found ways to live life nicely with a bit of joy where I'm able to. Don't waste your energy on things because we don't have that much time."
Read more inspiring stories from women living their best lives in their Second Act
